• J Mess


We‘ve got fun and games… and babies.

They say everything changes when you have a baby and it’s true. Your body. Your priorities. Your free time. Your stress level. I for one am anxious all the time now. And this crazy level of self-doubt and worry, that is definitely a female thing, cannot be healthy. Am I a good mom? Am I doing the right thing sending him to daycare? Or should I be spending more time with him? You don’t get these moments back, you know. They’re only small once. They grow up so fast.

Wait, what was I just doing? There was definitely something I was supposed to be doing. Did I forget to do something? How can I possibly do everything? Some days all I want to do is nothing.

Do I want to be a full-time mom? Do I want to work? Do I want to do both? Can I do both? What am I even doing? Am I good at any of these things? Do I want to reinvent myself as a blogger? A “phone person” (I literally saw a job listing with this title)? A clothing folder? A skincare seller? A baby food maker? An artsy and craftsy momtrepreneur? Something completely different? Nothing at all? I think the only thing I’m uniquely qualified for right now is a pretty convincing “before” model.

What is going on? How did I get here? So many questions.

When you’re in your mid-20s and someone said, where do you see yourself in 10 years, you probably answered in broad strokes. Maybe it was, married. Owning a home. Being a successful businessperson. Potentially having a family. It all seemed so dreamy. House in the burbs. SUV. Adorable, perfect kids. A lifetime away while you had boozy brunch and spent the day walking around the city shopping. I realized this while I was talking to my friend the other day. She called to wish me a happy birthday and our conversation was decidedly different than when we were in our heyday living the good life in New York City as Carrie and Samantha.

I was definitely not the Samantha.

Our gossiping about guys was replaced with commiserating on mom life. Our general pleasantries were abruptly interrupted by exasperated exclamations of “do you have to poo?,” “stop taking your diaper off,” and “do not put your fingers into your mouth while eating. I already asked you to stop doing that.” We’d be having a perfectly normal conversation, then all of a sudden blurt out insanities at our babies, then seamlessly go back to what we were discussing. It was like we had Mom Tourette’s. Then after only 5 minutes the whole thing was over. I have to call you back because (insert some new crazy state of normal), like the baby just threw up on the cat or someone just pooped on the floor.

This is the new reality. This is everyday. Maybe don’t question it, just roll with it? I mean, you know where you are now? You’re in the jungle, baby

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