• J Mess

TAKE A NUMBER

I am literally the angry person behind the deli counter.


One of my favorite things to say these days is "I am only one single human being" which is usually the reasoning for what follows the I cannot do all of those things that you are demanding all at the same time conversation. For example, it usually goes something like this. "Nathan, I understand that you would like cut up strawberries and your bottle from the fridge and your pacifier that you purposely threw on the floor... but (say it with me now)... I am only one single human being." But as you most likely already know, none of this carefully reasoned logic matters at all. Because I gave birth to a child, not a fully grown adult with advanced thinking capabilities. He wants what he wants and he doesn't care that I only have 2 hands and am not capable of being in more than one place at a time. How dare I not be able to fulfill everyone's wishes immediately. The absolute nerve of me.


Dear people that I am responsible to, thank you for your patience. Please hold and your request/question/complaint will be handled in the order in which it was received.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to feel important. Needed. Necessary. Irreplaceable. Like the wheels would just come off without you. Like the whole operation would just go bust. Like you're the only one who knows how to properly mark up a PDF, give the cat his asthma puffer, microwave the chicken fries, or if the daycare cot sheet goes in the dryer. But there's only so much one single human being can handle. There's only so many balls I can keep in the air at one time. I am a pretty crappy juggler. I am not a magician. I am not a superhero. I am only one single human being. I cannot be the only keeper of all of this knowledge. I cannot be the sole person responsible for everything. I cannot martyr myself day in and day out. If I learned anything from my corporate leadership workshops besides that I'm a mean and aggressive leader, it's that you must learn to delegate. Delegate and let go.


And let's be honest, soon I'm not going to have a choice. I must trust the people that work for me, I mean... graciously help me, like my husband and relatives, to pitch in and get the job done. Even if they don't do everything exactly how I would have, that has to be okay. Because I simply cannot do everything by myself. And it's not for lack of trying. I've taken conference calls at the supermarket. Fed Nathan dinner while simultaneously folding laundry and doing dishes. But eventually I am going to burn out. People don't say "it takes a village" for nothing. When my stomach is huge, I'm not going to be able to bend over the bathtub to get Nathan clean. After I give birth, I'm not going to be able to lift him into his high chair for dinner or drive him to and from school everyday. When I have 2 of these maniacs, I might crawl into a hole and never come out.


Sometimes I literally contemplate screaming "NEXT!", "WHO'S NEXT?"

Right now Nathan is screaming for "baba," the cat is looking at me longingly for dinner, work is emailing and messaging me, my husband is asking me about a party on Sunday, second child is making me sick to my stomach,17 people are texting me, the laundry is sitting wet in the washer, the sink is full of dishes, and all I want to do is quietly open the front door, leave my house, go straight to an island in the middle of the ocean by myself and have a drink with an umbrella in it. I give up. I'm delegating. Delegating all of this to someone else. Anyone. Who's next?...

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