• J Mess


When it clicks, it really clicks.

Ok here we go. I wasn't sure I was going to post about this, but why not. We've all been stuck in our houses for months, is anything really off limits for discussion? Besides I feel like I can talk to you guys about these things. I mean after enduring years of my diaper explosion posts, it would seem that we're no longer squeamish about much. So without further ado-do (ha!), I'm back to giving the people what they want... poopy posts! And the crowd goes wild...

See the problem was, I hadn't realized that potty training had 2 phases. Well 3 if you count nap and bedtime training. Probably should have read all those books everyone suggested. I guess I wrongly assumed that once we established the potty as the ideal place to make our business, that we'd just do ALL our business there. Well boy was I wrong, because apparently that is not the case. No where near it. We'd been peeing successfully and exclusively on the potty for over a month but for some reason I could not get this child to poop on the potty. He would not do it. At first I tried reasoning with him, because that tactic seemed to work in the past... all of never. We don't wear diapers anymore, diapers are for babies and you are a big boy. Big boys don't go in their pants. I tried bribery. I told him he could pick out whatever he wanted. Hundreds of lollipops. Thousands of gummy sharks. I offered him everything short of a Mercedes. But it didn't work. He wouldn't do it. Every time I asked him why he wouldn't go poop on the potty, he simply said "I cannot."

Not sure how one argues with an answer as final and formal as "I cannot." He basically said, "you're dismissed, woman. See yourself out."

I didn't know what to do. He adamantly refused to go. So much so that I was sure he was instead holding it in. Therefore creating a vicious cycle of constipation, pain, fear, all of which was working hard against our quest of using the potty. The longer this went on, the worse it would be behaviorally and physically. And honestly an enema is pretty high on the list of things I'd rather like to avoid having to do to my child. However apparently this situation is quite common in potty training children and after a quick consult, the doctor immediately agreed that we could start giving him Miralax. Days and days went by with me secretly dosing him with a laxative. Inconspicuously stirring it into his apple juice in the morning like some weird date raper. Meanwhile nothing was happening and I couldn't figure out how this wasn't working. How was he literally not running to the bathroom every 5 minutes?

Finally after a week, I saw the signs. It was time and this moment was going to be make or break. I only had one shot at this. It was happening, and it was either going to happen in the potty for the ultimate win, or in his pants for months of the same struggles. Somehow I lured him to the toilet. Once there, he dug in his heels. "I cannot. I don't want to poop. I want to stand up." Then I begged. I pleaded. I insisted. I unapologetically bribed. He was sweating. I was sweating. He was crying. I was crying. Then I gave up. I couldn't fight anymore and I didn't want this to become a negative experience for him. However just as I went to leave the bathroom, defeated, I accidentally kicked his step stool out of the way, leaving him stranded to cry on the toilet. I was about to tell my husband that our son was either going to be filled to the brim with crap or wear a diaper forever, when I heard a jubilant little voice from the bathroom proclaim, "I DID IT!!!"

30 minutes later during his "poopy party" with our entire extended family on FaceTime, he pooped his pants.

Ever since our one accident though, he is adamant about using the potty. He discovered the stash of prizes I had accumulated over the long months of waiting for this kid to poop on the potty, and now frequently insists "I'm going to get another prize and make more poop!!" Then just heads into the bathroom on his own private mission to do his business. At one point I stopped believing him because we were on the 5th prize of the day, but sure enough, he went. I guess we are making up for lost time because literally all I do now is take this kid to the bathroom ALL DAY LONG. How much poop can be inside one small child? Nevermind, don't answer that, I already know. Might be time to scale back the Miralax...


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