• J Mess


Is it nap-time yet? Send help.

I have so much respect for teachers and stay-at-home moms. Ya'll are crazy nuts bonkers out of your minds. Some of you are dealing with other people's children (which is even more crazy), some of you are dealing with your own, but all of you are psychos. You're like volunteer firefighters or members of the military, putting yourself on the front lines in the trenches to battle a mob of moody children. I barely made it through 1 day and at least for now, I only have 1 kid.

When Nathan's school ended for the year, there was about a week and a half of time before camp started and I got an email about signing up for care for those in-between days. I forgot about it, of course, because "mom-brain" combined with "preggo-brain" basically equals less than zero brain cells firing at a time and by the time I got around to signing him up for those days, the message that appeared on my screen in big red angry letters said WAITLISTED. Sheer panic and a cold chill went up my spine. No, that can't be. Cannot be. I stared at the screen with my bugged-out eyes thinking maybe I read it wrong and maybe it said, WAIT... LISTED!!! But alas no, as I slowly came to the realization that there was apparently a large chance I was going to have to entertain my own toddler for 9 days. The literal horror.

The screen might as well have said "You're screwed sucker, best of luck!!"

I sat there in silence and mourning for a couple minutes, my brain cycling through escape plans, I mean options, when I heard my phone ring and the voice of g-d told me that she could fit Nathan in everyday except for Monday. In a blissful moment 9 scary, terrible days had just become 1. 1 day to take care of him by myself. It sounds ridiculous right? I can do this!! I mean people do this all of the time. People do this every day. Crazy people. So I immediately texted some of my crazy friends to beg for them to take pity on me and include me in whatever they were planning for the day and was pleased that we had easily scheduled a date to attend open play at a local kid gym in the morning. Hopefully I could run him around and tire him out early then figure out what to do for the rest of the day.

However just as we were getting ready and Nathan had already been in time-out twice for smacking me before 8am, they both texted saying they were no longer going to the gym. Again a feeling of panic set in. I had to get him out of the house, neither one of us would likely survive the whole day stuck in the house together, which meant I was on my own. But I can do this right? I'm an independent person. How hard can this be? Pack up some snacks, put him in the car, and let him loose to run around and terrorize other children at the indoor gym. So that's what I did.

And all was going dandy until he said he was hungry for his snack and I realized I had 3 clementines, 2 applesauce pouches, and a bag of peanut bamba. No cookies. No cheerios. No veggie sticks. Nothing else. As we quickly blew through 1 orange and both pouches, I desperately tried to convince him to take another orange and he continued to cry and say no, and I realized my choices were to either starve my child, potentially harm some other peanut allergic child, or just leave and find something else to do with him. And once he'd spotted the bag of bamba, it was game over, it was all he wanted. There was no convincing him otherwise.

Great snack options for the public kid gym, genius. Next time I'll be sure to pack the rat poison as well.

But don't worry this is a feel-good story. As we were on our way out to the car where we could safely eat peanutty things, I ran into another friend who convinced us to stay for the next class, probably had an array of acceptable snacks, and was interested in going on a lunch date after. JACKPOT!! By the time all of that was over, it was nap time!

So I somehow survived my 1 day with my lunatic toddler. It was harrowing, and you better believe every time I get those email signups from now on, I'll be the first person signed up! In the meantime I'll need to work on my organizational skills before this second kid arrives because that's double the stuff I need to carry around at all times and clearly I can't even manage to get it right for 1 kid.

When we went to the pool yesterday I forgot to bring Nathan a change of clothes and he had to go home in his car seat in his diaper...


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