• J Mess


When you only have one setting, destroy.

We had a good group poll going there for a while. What would happen first? Would Nathan walk or get his first tooth? The majority of people who took the Instagram poll said he would walk first. And while he probably did technically start walking first, the exact day that he actually confidently took off on his own, we also discovered a long-awaited tooth! So we'll have to call this one a draw! I probably still might not have found the tooth had my friend not told me to stick my finger in his mouth and feel around. I guess there are still some things I'm mom-shy about.

Now that we're walking, we've reached a whole new level, literally. Everything within reach is being grabbed and flung. Everything. Nothing is safe. Nothing on top of the tables, side cabinets, nightstands, tv stands. The dish towels hanging off the oven. The artwork displayed on the refrigerator. It is a constant cycle of things being ripped down and me picking them up and pushing them farther out of reach, and after 5 or more times of that, just frustratingly removing them altogether. My house is starting to look completely crazy. I'm a minimalist in the rooms the baby goes in, and an insane hoarder in the areas he can't reach.

We've also achieved a new level of play. Gone are the beginning stages, when literally nothing is played with and everything goes straight into the mouth. And while some days, he will sit for extended periods of time fully determined, concentrating so hard with his tongue out, to stack all of the rings in the right order, others he is what we like to call "Knock it-down Nathan." Like a tiny Wreck it Ralph. Full of destructive energy. A psycho one-baby wrecking crew. Putting purposeful play to shame and throwing, smacking, trashing, or smashing everything in sight.

Is this just typical boy behavior, or should I be teaching kindness to toys. Is my son going to grow up to become a serial toy killer?

We got a ton of amazing toys for my son's first birthday. While I want to thank everyone, I also feel the need to apologize. Because he has not been very nice to them. And because of that, some of them have needed to be confiscated. In fact he barely has any toys left after my Mom and Dad deemed most of them to be unsafe with parts he walks around with in his mouth or the extremely heavy ones. Those are the ones he wields as weapons and deviously lifts them up while laughing hysterically. At first I was worried he'd hit himself in the head, but slowly I learned that he usually ends up smashing them into my leg instead. He dropped that puzzle on my Mom's toe this weekend.

Ow Nathan you're hurting mummy. Nathan that hurts. Please don't hit me with a xylophone. I can't believe I said that out loud.

Is there something like parent-protective services that I can call for mom abuses like being constantly smacked in the face, pinched, scratched, head-butted, stepping on a lego, or having a motorized tractor smashed into my funny bone? If not, it seems like there really should be. My husband once told me he was at a business meeting with a colleague who had a black eye and when asked how it happened, he said that his toddler had accidentally head butted him in the face. (Nathan happened to do this exact thing to my brother on his wedding day...) This parent abuse seems to be an unforeseen and under-discussed danger. And while part of me wants to say that guy probably should have come up with a better story, the other part of me, that's currently covered in bruises, truly believes him...

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