• J Mess

NO MAMA

I suddenly feel the need to keep reminding this kid who gave birth to him.

Apparently we're in a daddy phase. Which is fine with me in the middle of the night, at diaper change time, when he wants to be carried, or first thing in the morning. I am perfectly content to not be the parent of choice in all those situations. Nathan wakes up and the first words out of his mouth are "DADA!! DADDYYYY!!!" And I lay in bed smiling. That ain't my name, so I'm certainly not getting up! That is, until dada isn't around because he's at work or traveling. Then I'm no longer smiling. Because we're also in a very bossy, whiny, bratty, phase I assume is the onset of terrible 2s, and when I have to answer his "DADA!! DADDY!?" with "hey bud, no, it's me mama!," he has an epic meltdown.


It's no surprise I am not the chosen one. Dad let's him do all the fun stuff like make a giant mess with his food, stay up later, trash his room, get 2 lollipops, wear mismatched bathing suits, use insane amounts of bubbles in the bathtub, touch everything and take the batteries out of the thermometer while he's on the changing table. Dad can carry him around for hours without getting arm cramps because dad is stronger and dad isn't pregnant. Meanwhile I spend more time with him, catering to his every whim and demand, and providing essential life-sustaining care like food and hygiene. But who cares about that. Because I'm also the one constantly yelling not to spill milk all over the couch, denying him any more "kikis" because it's almost dinnertime, smothering him in suntan lotion that inevitably gets in his eyes, putting him in time-out after being the recipient of multiple assorted attacks like smacks, pinches, or scratches, not allowing him to eat Italian ices for dinner, and telling him it's time for bed. I mean, which parent sounds more fun to you?


I seriously am going to develop a complex. Most days it seems even the cat likes Josh better than me. Ok fine he does.

Whatever. I feel no jealousy when Nathan follows Josh around the house incessantly like a shadow and when he's out of sight for 2 seconds starts screaming DADA in complete panic. I feel no sadness when just as I think we're finally having a good mommy and me moment reading books together, Nathan smacks me then promptly goes to get the "Daddy and me" book and makes me read it to him. Such spot on shade from a toddler it's actually impressive. Well played kid. I feel nothing when he constantly asks for dada and I say "don't you want to hang out with mommy?," and he adamantly and coldly says NO. My husband can be the fun parent and I will be the horrible awful mean mommy disciplinarian.


I guess it's better than having a "mama's boy"? We'll see, there's still time.

I don't get it. When we were younger dad was always the scary one. Or at least the one you were supposed to fear if you did something wrong. It was always, "wait until your dad gets home!" or "don't make me tell your dad about this behavior." And big bad dad would come home and you'd be terrified you were grounded. I really feel like that is not the case anymore. These days kids are more scared Elf on the Shelf will find out about their mischief. So now I'm threatening to tell anyone or anything that could possibly influence his behavior and get him to listen. Because he doesn't care about me, and Dada can do no wrong. So maybe, "Don't you dare make me tell baby shark about what you just did mister!!!..."

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