• J Mess

LOUD NOISES

Used to be the name of Josh's flag football team, now the chronic state of my house.


You win Corona. I am waving the white flag. I give up. I have completely lost. My mind. My sanity. Literally everything except any weight. And also my hearing. Although I'm lying. I have not lost my hearing yet. I just wish maybe I had. Because if I had lost my hearing, I wouldn't be stuck listening to the constant wall of noise that is my daily existence. Between Sydney's incessant screaming and Nathan's yelling, whining, crying, tantruming, scream-singing, lack of any kind of indoor-voice, and recent habit of turning his ipad to max volume just to annoy me, I actually considered investing in noise cancelling headphones just to be able to somewhat hear my own thoughts for even 1 precious minute.


I wish the mute button worked on my children. Is it weird to point the tv clicker at their faces and press the button? Asking for a friend.

Yes one day when I'm stupid old and both my children are away at college, I will sit in silence and miss all the hustle bustle of a full house. But today is not that day. Today my ears are practically bleeding. Sydney is in a screaming phase. So much so, that we now call her "scream queen." She's frustrated that she can't talk and express herself. She gets upset if you walk away and leave her. And she's trying to mark her place in a house full of loudmouths. So she screams. All. The. Time. If she's awake and not eating, she's screaming. Not crying, not whimpering, SCREAMING. It is the most grating, piercing, you'd do almost anything to make it stop noise. Trust me, be thankful there's no sound on this blog because this girl has got some chords. Usually I just shove peanut bamba down her throat to keep her mouth occupied or literally unsuccessfully beg her to be quiet. But I guess maybe once or twice, when I really couldn't take it anymore, I've blurted out "shut up Sydney." Because yesterday when she was letting it rip, Nathan screamed "shut up Sydney!!! or I'll put you outside!!!" No idea where he got that last part from.

He is no angel either. When Sydney is napping, I try desperately to get all my work done. I'm a writer, so I need to read things and think. I'm sure in other occupations those are somewhat similar concepts. And if it isn't quiet, I can't focus. I end up reading the same sentence over and over 100 times because Nathan is listening to endless versions of Baby Shark on max volume. While I was relaying my daily struggles to my friend, she asked why I didn't just get Nathan some headphones for his iPad. How had I not thought of this idea before? Then she showed up, like a savior, with 2 pairs of Paw Patrol headphones that we could borrow and test. Marshall! Chase! Nathan was overjoyed. I was overjoyed. My ears were overjoyed. But the quiet-joy was fleeting. He wore them for 10 minutes then threw them in a pile in the corner and proceeded to turn the iPad volume up and sneer at me. When I asked him to make it lower please, he looked right at me, adjusted the volume slightly and said "better?" with his signature mischievous smirk. "Better, mommy?" Now if only there was a volume adjust on Sydney's mouth...


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