• J Mess

IT'S A...

You didn't really think I was going to tell you just like that did you?

When I was pregnant with Nathan, I wanted to know the gender immediately. It never crossed my mind not to know or to wait or find out at the time of the birth. I'm a planner and I wanted to plan. My husband on the other hand had decided that he didn't want to know. He wanted to be surprised. His favorite line of messaging to repeat was "well, there are so few true surprises left in life. This is one of them." No amount of reasoning and applied logic about how technically you're still surprised, just a little bit sooner, seemed to be resonating and we were at an impasse. He wasn't saying that I couldn't know, he was just adamant that if I did open the envelope, I better not accidentally spill the beans and ruin it for him. How exactly that would've been prevented I do not pretend to know. Oh and also, I'm the one doing all the work here buddy, carrying a baby for 9 months, but YES let me not ruin it for YOU.

In the end we got a cake and watched as people who swore they didn't want to know changed their minds once they realized we knew, shared the news with our families and nobody else. But we waited almost 7 months.

So here we were the second time around re-litigating the same point. We'd retreated to our corners. One of us wanting to know ASAP, and the other begrudgingly accepting of knowing but still wanting to wait a while. The outcome? I've been carrying around this envelope in my bag for the last 5 weeks to maddening effect from my friends.

Everyday I get text messages. Did you open it yet? Can I just come over and hold it up to the light? Did you find out the gender yet? They cannot understand how it's not burning a hole in my pocket. How I'm not sitting here picking apart every little clue for meaning. Well, she drew short hair on the front of the envelope, it must be a boy. I honestly think one of them might break into my house and try to steal the envelope. It clearly seems to be driving them crazy not knowing.

But it wasn't driving me crazy. Partly because I know we're going to find out, and partly because, if I'm being honest, I have some anxiety about finding out. It's interesting because even though I definitely want to know, once I know, all of the anticipation will be gone and then I'll just know. It will be what it will be and there's no holding out hope that maybe there's a chance of it being something else. I will know. And I can't un-know once I know. I won't lie, with Nathan I was hoping it was a girl. And when we cut open the cake, my husband was really excited and I was... fine. He's an amazing little boy and he's exactly who he's supposed to be, and I knew I had another shot at it. But now, this is it. I don't want to say that I'll be disappointed if that frosting is blue, but apparently gender disappointment is a real thing. For me there are positives to either outcome, and we will be blessed just to have a healthy baby... girl. Did I say that? I meant healthy baby, just baby. If it's a boy, brothers are amazing, they'll be the bestest of friends and I won't have to buy a single piece of baby clothing. I could name him "Hand-me-down Messier." And if it's a girl... it'll be a girl!

So we decided once again to do a cake just for ourselves. I decided that we were doing it now, because if I waited for my husband this kid would be 42 and we still wouldn't know. I walked into the bakery to order the cake with envelope in hand. Showed them a photo of what I wanted, nothing crazy, and tried explaining it was meant to be a gender reveal cake, but was somehow met with blank faces. How is this a concept they are not familiar with? The lady just kept going through her checklist and asking me questions like, "what do you want on the inside? Strawberries? Custard?" Um no, I want the inside to be whatever it says inside the envelope, I painstakingly explained while fully expecting them to either get it completely wrong, lose my envelope, or end up putting chocolate filling inside which really would have confused everyone. I left the bakery feeling even more anxious than when I had entered. And when I returned to pick the cake up, it took what seemed like an eternity for her to locate the cake and package it up for me. I was sure that this was going to be the most calamitous gender reveal ever.

Enough with the foreplay. You just want me to tell you right now, don't you?

Alright, alright. Survey says...

One-third of you scrolled all the way to the bottom immediately and didn't read anything that I wrote (go back and read it now please). One-third of you are annoyed that I made you wait to find out on the blog. And the other third of you couldn't care less because it has nothing to do with your life, but admit it, you were curious!

Well now you know! Don't worry, I double-checked it against the envelope! It's confirmed! All hand-me-down girl clothing donations are welcome! We'll see if I'm so excited about this outcome in 13 years...


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