• J Mess


It's all fun and games until someone doesn't get their caffeine.

Today, minutes after I missed the 7:06 AM train, and the 7:08 AM train (that was even running a generous 4 minutes behind), I stood wearily on the platform in the freezing cold to await the 7:29 AM train with only my thoughts about whether I actually put on pants to soothe me. I’m so overtired these days that one never knows what I might forget to do. On the way out the door, while still half asleep, I run checklists in my mind. Did I feed the cat? Did I lock the door? Did I take the baby? Check, check, better be check.

I can’t complain, (but I still will anyway) my son is a decent sleeper. Some nights better than others. He’s about as inconsistent as the NY Giants. One night he’s a surprise Super Bowl winning 10-hour sleeper, and the next he’s an abysmal 3-13 season up every couple hours sleeper. Last night he was the latter. As soon as I pulled the covers over my head at 11:30 PM he started to cry. It’s honestly like he knows exactly when I’m getting into bed. How could he know? He obviously doesn’t know… but it happens almost EVERY NIGHT?!!! Then when I couldn’t get comfortable and finally settled at 3:00 AM, he cried again. For his final act, he squawked and then talked to himself in his crib from 5:00 AM til I finally got up at 5:45 AM to start my day.

When I asked him what he was saying all morning and if he was giving a speech, my husband said he was reciting the “state of the Nathan.”

We went through our normal routine which I basically do with my eyes closed, feed him, change him, dress him, and place him in his car seat to chill while I pack up everything he needs for day care. He smiles adorably and I consider quitting my job and just staring at him forever. Then I go to strap him in, and the aroma of poop wakes me out of my dream. I have to go all the way back upstairs to change him again. EVERY MORNING.

This is my EVERY DAY. The repetitive routine is the only thing keeping me sane and ensuring I don’t forget to put on pants. Because if even one little thing is off or changed, things start to go terribly awry. Like when I finally got into the city and popped open my Dunkin app for sweet, sweet caffeine. I ordered my coffee like I did every morning and walked to grab it on my way into the office. Except this morning when I arrived, it wasn’t waiting for me like usual. At first I thought maybe I had walked faster than they poured, but then it hit me. When my son was home sick, I had changed the pickup location in my app to the Dunkin in my town. I had just ordered my coffee to the Dunkin at home, and worst of all, I had used my free coffee coupon.

Am I wearing pants? Check. Did I order my coffee to a Dunkin within 20 miles of my current location? Fail. Giant fail...


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