Ready to write the next chapter of my life. Literally.
When we moved to the burbs a couple years ago, I was comforted by the fact that I wasn’t really saying goodbye to New York City. I knew I’d still be there 5 days a week. Still smelling those smells. Still almost getting run down by cabbies. Still overpaying for everything. But I knew deep down it was time to go. Just as I know it’s time again.
I’ve worked at my company for so long that I couldn’t imagine not going there every day. Just look at my building access card. It belongs in a museum it's so old. Who is that child!? (And it only took me over a decade to realize there were way too many S's in my name.)
Working at JUICE was part of my very being. It wasn’t just a job, it was a second home. If you can’t fathom feeling that way about work, then you’ve never been so extremely fortunate to have had a job and co-workers that you loved. I met so many amazing people over those 13 years who mean so much to me. Some of them moved on to new jobs, new careers, new cities. Some of them are raising their families. But I’ll never forget the times we spent together at JUICE Pharma Worldwide taking road trips to clients, losing our stuff at the holiday parties, stetting serial commas, desperately trying to find delicious lunch options, recovering lost PDF files, and avoiding the local 8th avenue vagrants. I cried when I left that last day before maternity leave, almost exactly 1 year ago, knowing my tomorrow would not consist of going to this place I loved so dearly to see my friends.
My tomorrow instead consisted of going into labor. A mere 8 hours later.
Now, after 6 months of 12-hour daycare days with commuting hell, and the pleasure of spending the summer with my son, I’ve decided to call it quits. I’m equal parts excited and terrified. I was defined by my job for so long and society pounds into us that we must have a job, must be employed to have worth. Eerily illustrated by a recent conversation I had with my husband while we were researching life insurance. Because those are the kinds of things you apparently have to do once you have a child. Get life insurance and have a will and assign guardians. It’s heavy shit. During this discussion, my husband said “well, if you’re not working, you’re worth less.” I nodded, then paused. Wait? Did you just say I’m worthless? And he said, no, I said you’re worth less. Hmmm seems like semantics.
Don’t even get me started on the lack of opportunities for women who want to work and still have the flexibility to raise their families. Or just how WORTHWHILE it is for companies to adapt in a way that attracts working moms because they are the ones who work the smartest. Master multi tasking ninjas. Efficient whip crackers. Take no prisoners yet somehow still compassionate. Get in. Get out. Get it done and go home. One night I annotated 4 jobs, made adult dinner, made baby food, made teacher gifts, did laundry, and dishes all at the same time. Was it a beautifully choreographed ballet or a beautiful disaster? You’ll never know, it likely doesn't matter, and bottom line, it all got done.
So now what will I do with my life? I don’t know. And that’s okay. Maybe I’ll look for a part-time gig doing anything that pays US dollars (anyone need a remote copywriter??). Maybe I’ll blog the hell out of this blog and hope some of you share it around (not so subtle hint) and it gains a huge following and sponsorships and Instagram glory. Maybe I’ll click on literally every single person I know on Linkedin and somehow the perfect opportunity will manifest itself. Maybe my new bracelet-making business will hit it big (Like me on Facebook!) Maybe I'll take the rest of the year off and do nothing but buy things and return them. Maybe I'll get selected for Real Housewives of Plainview (if there isn't such a thing, there should be). Whatever happens, I am so thankful for all of the opportunities and friendships that helped get me to where I am today, and although I've now chosen to go a different path, I will leave the light on and maybe find my way to my next home...