• J Mess


It's been quite a morning.

Motherhood is so glamorous isn't it? I honestly can't recall the last time I used my makeup. Who has time for that and where do I even go? But I used it yesterday to go into the city with my parents to see a show. I caught my reflection in the window of the LIRR and felt like the old me. Wow, I look like a human I thought all mascara'd and eye liner'd up. And now I have to throw all of that makeup out. Why? Because I have pink eye.

Yes I am once again afflicted with a little kid disease. Does Nathan have it? No. Although at school last week they thought he did. His teacher sent me an email Wednesday night mentioning that his eye was a little red and pink eye was going around. I immediately examined him and panicked. I wouldn't have even noticed anything until I saw her email, but now my eyes were so itchy, and I was Purell'ing everything. He had a little redness in one corner of his eye, but when I Google'd photos of pink eye, I was fairly sure that he did not have it and I was just overreacting. We decided to wait and see what he looked like when he woke up the next morning. If it was worse, we'd take him to the doctor. If it was better or the same, we'd send him to school. It was the same. So off to school he went.

On Thursday when I went to pick him up, his teacher informed me he'd been rubbing his eyes all day so maybe I should take him to the doctor. Better safe than sorry, however the pediatrician laughed me out of the office. If he had pink eye, the whole eye would be pink, not just one triangle of the whites... and 24 hours later it would be a mess. He probably has a broken blood vessel in his eye. I felt silly, but relieved. I wouldn't want him to have to endure that, and selfishly I didn't want to have to put eye drops in a toddler's eye. Instead I'm putting them in my eye, because last night I woke up at 3am with my entire left eye crusted shut.

Guess I'm gonna take this one for the team. The pure definition of motherhood.

I went into the bathroom and immediately knew my fate. I'd been talking about and researching pink eye all week. I tapped my husband on the shoulder and simply said, "I have pink eye," shut my one eye that wasn't already closed on its own and went back to sleep. When the urgent care opened, we left Nathan with my parents, and off we went to get my I-already-know-what-I-have diagnosis and prescription. While waiting for my eye drops to be filled at CVS, my husband got a text from my parents. Nathan had had a lovely breakfast and then took an epic crap all over his high chair.

I wanted to cry. But I couldn't because my eye was crusted shut.

Recently I made the decision to purchase some latex exam gloves. Because I can't touch any more shit. One day I woke up and decided no more. I don't plan on using these for everyday diaper changes. They are purely for poop emergencies which in my house happen almost daily. I understand the whole "it's my kid so it's not gross," but let's be real here for a second... it's fucking gross. It's on my hands. It's under my nails. I could wash my hands in bleach and I'd somehow still smell poop. Do you know how much bacteria is in poop? My gloves arrived yesterday and the timing couldn't have been better. Because I spent the entire morning, with pink eye... just wanted to remind you that I have pink eye, scrubbing, cleaning, toothbrushing, lysoling, wiping, and spraying a poop inundated high chair. Then after that was done, I had to clean my eye, and endure my husband attempting to put the drops in for me. I do not like eye things at all. I have no clue how I'm going to take these drops 3 times a day for a week. I whined and moaned and had a small panic attack right before my dad told me to look off to the right and my husband dropped the drop in. Yes it took 3 grown adults to get a drop in my eye. And yes I've been wearing my sunglasses around the house all day. Who's the baby now?...

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