• J Mess

DUM DUM

Don't you dare buy any more Dum Dums, you dum dum.


They don't call it the terrible 2s for nothing. When it's terrible, it's truly terrible. And occasionally when Nathan is having a tantrum or refusing to listen to a word I say, I'm willing to do almost anything to get him to stop, pay attention, and do what I want. Screaming, threatening, bribery. Quid pro quo. Whatever it takes. No more iPad! You're going in your crib! I'm throwing away all of your toys! Who knew all it would take was to dangle a lollipop in front of him to get results. Ok fine, I guess everyone probably knew that. Fortunately or unfortunately it works like a charm every time.


Over the summer I accidentally booked my last sonogram during the week between camp and school, not realizing Nathan would be home and my husband would be out of town. These appointments are hard to get, so I couldn't easily reschedule for a more convenient Nathan-free time, I had to make it work. I contemplated just leaving Nathan home, but what really is the right age that the cat can babysit your toddler? So I took him figuring I could distract him with the iPad or maybe he would just sit still and behave. The latter being quite unlikely.


When we got to the appointment, I remembered that the wifi doesn't work inside the exam rooms. I tried to hook the iPad up to my phone hot spot but ultimately was not successful and instead had to listen to him screaming "pad broke!!! pad broke!" while I was stuck on the sonogram table with jelly all over my stomach. I resorted to begging him to please be patient, when all of a sudden, I remembered I'd secretly taken some lollipops from the large bin at the check-in desk. So I told him if he could sit quietly while we looked at baby, I would give him a blue lollipop. Don't judge me. I was desperate and this was the only hand I had left to play. And it worked, obviously, although during the duration of the appointment and follow-up, he might have had 4 lollipops.



From then on Nathan associated blue lollipops with baby. Every time we asked him if he was excited for baby to come, he'd say "blue lollipop" like he thought that was what I was giving birth to. At the hospital when he came to meet his sister, we gave him a "Big Brother" present from her. A Paw Patrol toy, and a bag of dum dums. Clearly he will love her forever now.


In hindsight, I probably should not have given him the entire bag. Because now my husband has realized the power of the pop and uses the lollipops for everything. Want to put your socks on Nathan? No? I'll give you a lollipop! Going to school. Lollipop. Coming home from school. Lollipop. Breathing? Lollipop! My Dad asked if Josh was training a seal. He has them in his pockets, in his car, in Nathan's snack bag. Every time he comes home from picking Nathan up at school, he brags that all the other kids run over and are so excited to see him and know him by name. Well yea now I know why. You're a weird stranger with candy in your pockets. Did you drive your white windowless van to the school also?


Josh is like the Pied Piper. The creepy Willy Wonka of daycare pickup.

Honestly how many lollipops were in that bag? Every time I turn around now Nathan has a lollipop hanging out of his mouth. I think he might need an intervention because when that bag is empty, he's not going to be happy. I warned Josh to please not buy another bag of dum dums, unless we were using them to reward Nathan for doing something important like trying to use the potty. However he came home from the supermarket the other day and Nathan was screaming excitedly about lollipops. I went through the bags and sure enough, I found more lollipops. I said "Josh, I thought I told you no more dum dums!" He said, "oh these are Charms, they didn't have any dum dums!" Oh god, I'm married to a dum dum...


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