• J Mess


If there were more hours in the day, I’d still be overweight and tired. Just for longer.

This is my life. If you want to call it mine, since there's no time for me.

Anytime between 1:00 and 4:00 AM (maybe more than once): WAH WAH. Someone is hungry or uncomfortable.

5:25 AM: ALARM. I never snoozed until I met my husband. Now I love snoozing. Yay I can go back to sleep.

5:35 AM: ALARM. It’s not quite time yet. I love sleeping.

5:45 AM: ALARM. I hate snoozing. It’s cruel. Time to put on my gym clothes and wake the baby.

6:00 AM: FEED.

6:25 AM: PACK. All the bottles from the fridge. Ice packs from the freezer. Everything into the car: 4 bags (day care bag, gym bag, pumping bag, actual purse) and baby.

6:40 AM: DROPOFF. Being the first kid at day care breaks my heart every single day.

7:00 AM: PARK. If you don’t get to the garage by 7:30, you don’t get a spot.

7:15 AM: WORKOUT. Omg I’m so tired, but please take my baby weight.

7:35 AM: SHOWER. That workout was pathetic, but I need to make the 8:07 train or I won’t have time to pump.

7:55 AM: RUN. Back to the car with my gym bag. Grab my pumping bag. Race to the platform.

8:07 AM: TRAIN. I hate commuting.

9:10 AM: PUMP. At least my office has a lovely, large pumping room with a couch and fridge.

9:40 AM: MEETING. I need to win

the lottery.

10:00 AM: EAT. Various oatmeal-consisting foods that increase milk production.

11:30 AM: PUMP. I like this room. It’s quiet.

12:00 PM: EAT. Or go to Buy Buy Baby.

1:30 PM: PUMP. Please let me make enough milk for my baby not to starve.

3:45 PM: PUMP. Somewhere in between pumping I’m doing WORK.

4:30 PM: PACK. All the pump parts if I don’t WASH them at WORK. All the milk and the ice packs.

5:00 PM: RUN. To the train.

5:17 PM: TRAIN. If this thing doesn’t speed up, I won’t make it to day care on time.

6:06 PM: RUN. Race like a Nascar driver to day care pickup. There are some of the worst drivers on Long Island. I'm about to drive over some bitches.

6:27 PM: PICKUP. Barely make it. Being the last kid at day care breaks my heart.

6:35 PM: UNPACK. Everything from the car. The 4 bags and the baby with my only 2 hands.

6:45 PM: FEED. Then PUMP. Then put the baby to sleep.

7:30 PM: WASH. All the pump parts from today. All the bottles from day care. Any dirty clothes or various other giant piles of laundry.

7:45 PM: PACK. All the pump parts for tomorrow. Refill all the bottles for tomorrow. Unpack and repack my gym bag.

8:00 PM: WASH. All the bottles I just emptied to pack the bottles for tomorrow.

8:30 PM: EAT. Whatever I can get my hands on for dinner.

9:00 PM: PUMP. Is this day over yet?

10:30 PM: WAH WAH. Someone is

hungry again.

11:00 PM: SLEEP. So. Tired.

Do it all over again tomorrow...

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