• J Mess

BROKEN

Because really, why should anything last more than 1 second?


I'm very careful with my belongings. I don't normally lose or break anything. If I do, it was probably a freak accident or more likely an assist by Nathan. Like the time he threw all my stuff from the coffee table onto the floor and I stood up to get him grapes and stepped square on my computer blue-light glasses and snapped them in half. Because Nathan breaks everything. Everything. Almost nothing stands a chance against this kid. He's a kid and he's a boy. He doesn't know his own strength and he doesn't understand consequences of what happens when you break something. Even when I threaten him with the fact that something will break and he will not get another one, he stares blankly at me and continues whatever it was he was doing. Mainly breaking things. Or he simply says "fix it mommy" like I'm some kind of sorceress repairwoman.


Nathan has a long list of destruction in his wake. It's almost like he's been doing this his whole life. Because he has. He broke the tray for the high chair when he was a baby. Snapped the connecting piece right in half as he slammed his fists repeatedly down on it. He broke the vintage carry case for his Matchbox cars. Insisted on standing on top of it multiple times and smooshing it down therefore crushing the handle. The other day he popped a bar out of our outside railing because he was mad he wasn't getting his snack fast enough. He has ripped hundreds of pages out of pop-up books. He's violently thrown his iPad down so many times that if it wasn't in a gigantic padded case, it'd easily be in a million pieces. He also broke the wooden truck my husband made in his high school shop class. Although the stability of that thing was somewhat in question, so not sure that one was really Nathan's fault.


Basically my entire house is held together by Gorilla glue and black electrical tape.

So the cheap little toys I buy him on Amazon and Target really don't have a prayer. And with reality setting in that I will be running my own daycamp in my backyard all summer long, I've begun accumulating fun toys that I think might keep Nathan occupied for 5 minutes. Water toys that will take hours of my life to fill and empty and breed mold and mosquitoes. Sports that are way above his level. Like really I'm going to teach a toddler how to play croquet? So basically it's fair to say I've officially lost my mind and if it looks cute and fun, I just buy it. Because what other choice do I have. Recently I've been supplementing my larger purchases with some smaller toys. I got him a bubble wand and a bubble gun. The bubble gun was a huge hit. You press the trigger and a fan spins and creates a stream of bubbles. He loved it. Until I went to put it away for the night and found it sitting in a puddle of sticky, drying bubble mixture. This was a good purchase I thought, as I pressed the trigger to see nothing coming out. The fan wasn't moving. No bubbles. Nada. How is this possible? How could he break this toy in 1 day?


The next day when he asked for bubbles, I got out the bubble wand. You know, because the bubble gun was already broken. I showed him how to gently move his arm back and forth so that the giant bubbles would come out. He immediately excitedly yanked it out of my hand and began violently shaking the wand around. As expected, within 5 seconds the wand flew out of the holder and onto the ground. He stared at me sadly as I desperately tried to shove it back into the holder, which seemed to work until I handed it back to him and it flew out again. Exasperated, I purchased him a new bubble wand online. Maybe this one was defective? But honestly, everyone knows what happened. Nathan broke it...


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