• J Mess

ANATOMY 101

Should have washed his mouth out with the soap.


As I'm getting more and more pregnant, it's getting difficult for me to perform everyday tasks. Like for instance, it's becoming a bit challenging for me to give Nathan a bath. I have to bend over or kneel on the floor and reach into the tub over my giant belly. Besides the fact that at some point during one of his teething-related diaper rash spells, he began refusing to sit down in the tub. So during bath time, he just stands there forcing me to figure out how to clean a 3 foot tall immovable statue in a tub while pregnant. It isn't fun and it isn't working.


I needed to find another solution. Periodically we'd been letting Nathan shower with dad. It's easier. Josh doesn't have a giant belly to fit into the shower stall and bend over a small child with. Also they have the same parts, if you're catching my drift. So they have extensive conversations about "dada pee pee" while they expedite Nathan cleansing. But the other night, I really needed a shower so I volunteered to take Nathan in with me, as long as Josh stayed in the bathroom in case I needed help. I'd only taken Nathan in the shower with me once. The one time he threw up all over himself the night before and I figured he should probably be cleaned before being sent off to school and didn't have time for a whole bath routine first thing in the morning. But he was much smaller then and couldn't really say much. Little did I know he had a lot of thoughts about showering with mom.


Josh asked him a bunch of times if he'd prefer to shower with mama or get a bath from dada. He continued to answer emphatically that he wanted to go with me. So Josh said "alright then let's get undressed!" While I started getting ready to shower, Nathan just stood there staring. Mesmerized. Then all of a sudden he came running over at full speed, pointing, laughing, and yelling "mama kuka!!! mama kuka!!" I literally almost peed on the floor I laughed so hard.


What are they teaching my child at school?! He definitely didn't learn that at home.

My husband and I didn't know what to do. Laughing probably was not the correct response, but we were just so taken off guard. The more mature thing would have been to say "No Nathan, that is a vagina," but instead we just kept repeating, "Nathan what is that you're saying?" "Mama kuka! Mama kuka!" Apparently according to Urban Dictionary, "kuka" happens to be Dominican slang for... well, vagina. Had he been speaking in Korean, I would have just assumed he learned it from watching too much Pinkfong on the iPad. But this, I had no explanation for. At one point during Nathan's enthusiastic pointing and yelling my husband swears he said "mama clit," but let's be honest there's no way he could possibly know that and if he does already, all I'll say is... you're welcome future girlfriends!


When I told my husband I needed a photo to post with this blog, he said I should post a photo of my kuka. Real jokesters in this family.

Should I have showered with him in my bathing suit? Should I not shower with him anymore? I mean obviously I will not be showering with him indefinitely. Obviously. But Nathan is not even 2 years old, when is the right time to start teaching him anatomically proper terms? I'd once had this conversation with my husband while changing Nathan's diaper and I heard him say "clean his wiener" and I tried to correct him and instruct him to teach our child the actual names of his body parts. Which is definitely what we should have done. But in that moment all we could do was laugh. Especially when I took my bra off and he screamed "mama teet!"...

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