• J Mess


Sure, that dirty diaper can be all yours if you insist kid. Don't say I never gave you anything.

My husband frequently likes to make fun of me by claiming that I don't like to share. He'd give you the shirt off his back, but I just give the stink eye as he constantly offers up MY entire dinner and dessert to everyone at the table whenever we go out to eat. "Do you want to try some of Jess' meat?" Um no. It's so infuriating. If you want to be a superstar sharer, share your own stuff. Nobody asked you to share mine also. And no offense but if someone wanted to eat steak, they could have ordered their own. This one is mine. I'm now realizing that developmentally this makes me no better than a 2 year old, but honestly, don't mess with a pregnant lady and her food. Mine, mine, mine.

And so now it seems Nathan has entered into the "mine" phase. It came on quickly following the blissful lull after the really enjoyable grabbing/hitting phase. We no longer hit if you try to take our toy, instead we angrily scream NO, MINE in your face and clutch onto it for dear life. The first time I witnessed this it was alarming. We were on vacation sitting on the pool stairs playing with some floaty toys with my brother and his wife, when one of Nathan's toys began to float away. My brother grabbed it and attempted to return it to Nathan, but in the millisecond that it was in his possession during the transfer, Nathan went ballistic and began screaming NOOOO, MINE! He was really incensed and making the nastiest face. Everyone was taken aback. What was happening? Why was he so upset all of a sudden? Nobody was taking his toy. When the toy was offered to him, he snatched it out of my brother's hand and gave him some serious shade.

Toddler mood swings seem to go from a sweet "more pasta please, thank you mama" to a demonic "MIIIIINEEEEE!" in 0 to 60. Like pint sized Jekyll and Hyde's.

Everything apparently now belongs to Nathan. In his little 2 year old brain, he is the king of everything and owner of all he comes into contact with for as far as his eyes can see. All of the toys in the world are his, even at other people's houses or kid play gyms where in reality nothing belongs to him. All of the food is his. All of the television controllers and phones in the house are his. The other day he even aggressively claimed his own dirty diaper that I was trying to throw into the diaper pail. MINE. Sure, all yours little buddy. Sometimes he'll even scream MINE about literally nothing at all. It's like his new default angry mode. When I tell him "no" about anything, he starts screaming MINE. What is yours Nathan? What are you even trying to claim? MINE! He's also recently assigned himself ownership of me and my husband. MY daddy. MY mommy. All of which should be fun once his sister arrives.

You like my toy? Gee thanks I just got it. I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it. It's MINE.

Apparently I'm supposed to ignore this behavior, but it's so difficult not to engage, so at first I tried gently correcting him. Because one day I'm still hoping magically my logic will break through his little toddler brain, although deep down I know it's hopeless. "No Nathan these aren't your toys, your toys are at home," or in genuine frustration after listening to this tiny toddler narcissist wrongfully claiming everything all day long, "Actually nothing in this house belongs to you Nathan, everything here is MINE." Great role model I am. If you're lucky, maybe I'll share with you, but then again probably not...


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