• J Mess

F&*K

Watching my mouth is now high on my to-do list.


When I was younger I worked at a day camp every summer. I loved it, it was the best job. I got to be outdoors, go swimming, sailing, make lanyards. And also take care of a bunch of kids. Which, while the worst part (but kinda the point), was usually okay as long as they were in between the ages of "I can't do anything for myself" and "I don't want anyone's help with anything." I remember those summers fondly and I specifically remember the hardest part of the job was following the mantra I told myself over and over right before camp started... whatever you do, just don't curse.


It's hard turning it off. I've become so desensitized to it that sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. Sadly I feel like we all have. It's the world we live in today. This is no longer the times of "gosh darn it" or "oh fudge." The land of the weak expletives, generally used by women to avoid seeming crude or aggressive. Now, some of these words are on network television and even our elected officials are using them. While I'm not condoning this, trust me when I drop an entire container of blueberries out of the fridge and they scatter all over my kitchen, I'm not standing there clutching my pearls and yelling "oh golly, goodness me." But I do have what's basically a small parrot in the house now and I need to start watching what I say because whatever I say, he says right back.


Expletives are the most adaptable words in the language. They're nouns, adjectives, adverbs, verbs, exclamations. So basically, they make up my entire vocabulary.

My parents are always the ones to call me out on my mouth. We were Facetiming during dinner the other night, and while Nathan was busy eating his pizza, my Mom was telling me some story during which I exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" Nathan immediately smiled and repeated "Jesus Christ!," while we all sat in stunned silence. Not really knowing what to do next, my Dad yelled "Cheezy crust!" Then we spent 5 minutes trying to convince Nathan that I had actually said "Cheezy crust!" by repeating cheezy crust over and over every time he said Jesus Christ. While this didn't really work, it was a good effort that I considered emulating after I realized that Nathan had begun introducing "Oh F&*K" into his imaginary play.

I highly doubt that Daddy and Mommy pig would condone of Peppa using this filthy profanity, but for some reason my son decided that this was how these pigs talked to each other. I overheard it a couple of times but tried to talk myself into thinking that couldn't possibly be what he was saying. Maybe he was saying "cute duck." But no it was pretty clear what was coming out of his mouth. I didn't know what to do. If I made a big deal out of it and said "Nathan we don't say that," he'd just do the complete opposite and keep saying it. If I ignored it, maybe he'd forget this phrase forever and move on. So I chose to ignore it and hope for the best. However the next day Nathan's teacher stopped me in the hallway to tell me that Nathan had said something funny at school that day. I literally stood there in a complete panic holding my breath while she began to speak. Oh F&*k please don't say he said oh F&*k. She smiled and relayed that he had stood up and exclaimed "Oh my goodness, so many shapes!," and they were all laughing at him. I couldn't believe my luck. Thankfully he wasn't teaching other children dirty words at school and maybe he'd already forgotten about them. Yet as soon as we got home, he ran inside and yelled "Oh F&*k, I have to vacuum again..." Guys, I really don't know what is going on, but I swear he definitely didn't learn that from me. I am 100% positive I have never said that phrase in my life...

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