• J Mess

40-YEAR-OLD MOM

Like 16 and Pregnant but way more tragic.


I was leaving the house the other day and ran into one of those super annoying individuals selling solar panels door to door. I'm not really sure why this form of solicitation is still even a thing, but we'll tackle that another time. The point is that somewhere in the middle of his frantic schpiel and my insistence that I wasn't interested in solar panels, he asked if I was the homeowner. For a moment I was taken aback and didn't know how to respond. Yes, this is my house. Was he asking if there's an adult home? Because the sad reality is in a little over a month... I will be turning 40. I know this may come as a surprise to some of you since apparently I look like I'm 12. It's crazy, right? Although I guess on second thought, this interaction didn't really come out of left field, but it hasn't happened in quite a while. Not since I used to get my nails done near my old office which was around the block from the Fashion Institute of Technology. They used to ask me every time if I wanted the student discount. Sometimes I'd get annoyed that they thought I was in college when I was clearly a very important professional. But trust me since I've given birth to these 2 little monsters, the number of grey hairs I find on a daily basis has tripled. My days of being mistaken for a college student are numbered. Maybe a homeless, elderly college student in dirty sweats who still isn't going to sign up for solar panels.



I don't feel 40 though. Not that I know what feeling 40 should feel like. I just know I don't feel old. Whatever that means. I have a lot of friends that are a little bit younger, and I feel like we're the same. Exactly the same, until I make references to things, iconic things, that these younger friends do not understand. Like once at work we were trying to come up with a group halloween costume for a bunch of girls and one guy, and I suggested we could all be the Robert Palmer girls from the "Addicted to Love" video and our male co-worker could be Robert Palmer. Such an easy costume! And in fact, there was even a dude at the office who's name was actually Robert Palmer! It was perfect. We'd wear all black, slick our hair back, put on bright red lipstick and get inflatable guitars from Amazon Prime. Bam! Genius! Literally not a single person knew what I was talking about.



Might as well face it, you're a really old fart.

But these days what's old is new again. And just like a scrunchie, I will be cool once more! Well, maybe not that cool. Okay fine, totally not cool at all. So pretty much exactly like a scrunchie. How am I entering this new decade of life? My rocking Friday nights now include me seriously asking my husband if he would mind trying to enter our house through the window because opening the front door wakes the baby up. Then we spend the rest of the evening literally "sssshhing" each other back and forth until we both pass out on the couch before 9pm. The epitome of cool. On New Year's Eve someone offered me a gummy and I asked if it was Elderberry. Then I had to drink 4 coffees just to make it until midnight. Also I periodically spend my time doing complex math problems, like when my daughter goes off to college, I'll be almost 60 years old. It's depressing.


I asked Nathan how old he thought mommy was going to be this year and he said 2. Not quite kid, not quite. I guess at least he didn't say 100.

It's exhausting having 2 small children and being 40. I basically had what is considered 2 geriatric pregnancies. Although I read an article the other day that proclaimed 50 is the new 40 for advanced maternal age. 50! Imagine giving birth at 50. I mean I guess if I looked like J Lo, Jen Aniston, or Gwen Stefani. I know Janet Jackson had a kid at 50, but honestly, has anyone seen her lately? She's probably at the senior citizens club, which is apparently where I'll also be now. Thank you town of Plainview for the wonderful welcome to turning 40...


0 views

© 2018 by Mommy's a Mess        Proudly created with Wix.com

  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon